I know that there are a lot of you out there who are either indifferent or vehemently against it but I’m enjoying the World Cup. I love hanging out with friends, eating good food, drinking beer and watching football until I’m fit to burst, but there are things about it that turn my stomach as much as it does for those who are avidly anti-football.
Firstly there’s the relentless March of the Advertisers, ramming product after product down our throats, refusing to relent even when we gag. Before this tournament even started I was sick to the back teeth of football related commercials and now it’s upon us it’s worse than ever. But the thing I find most frightening of all is the jingoistic slant given not only to the advertising but to more or less everything surrounding England’s participation in the World Cup.
There’s that vomit-inducing advert for Carlsberg lager for one, with, as Charlie Brooker explains, ‘a cameo from virtually every notable English sporting hero of the past 50 years, pausing briefly for a patronising moment of silence for Sir Bobby Robson, before depicting an ethereal Bobby Moore, bathed in heavenly light at the top of the tunnel, standing proudly beside a lion’. I’m trying not to empty the contents of my lunch onto the keyboard as I type. All this to advertise a Danish lager. Very English.
Then there’s an even a darker, more disturbing side to all of this. It started with the ridiculous rumour - which spread around Facebook like wildfire - that the police were ordering pubs to ban England football shirts and George crosses as they could offend other races, to which masses of the great unwashed responded by telling those allegedly offended to take off their turbans and burkhas before leaving the country. Once again the George cross was hijacked by the racists and many fell into line baying for blood before stopping to think about it for a few seconds.
Newsflash morons; the same equalities laws that protect turbans and burkhas also protect your rights to wear an England shirt to the football. The only time the shirt becomes an issue is if you start acting like a dick, in which case you’re a dick whether you wear the shirt or not. Three words idiots: do some research.
A certain section of those same England supporters think that wearing an England shirt during a World Cup means its okay to be frighteningly nationalist and racist. I was in the Midlands for the first England game against the USA last Saturday and was spending some time in a small town with a good friend. We watched the first half at her place and then went down to her local for the second half. The pub was packed and I fought my way to the main room with the big screen.
What I found wasn’t a room full of enthusiastic football fans boisterously cheering on their team; I found it full of screaming nationalists draped in George cross flags, more interested in shouting at each other about how they were ‘England ‘til I die’ than watching the match. Disturbed and irritated I moved to a smaller room to try to get a decent view. I was attempting to employ my special super powers of x ray vision see the TV through the back of someone’s head when I was accosted by a skinhead guy in an England shirt.
‘Great’, I thought, just smile and ignore him, but when he spoke he seemed pretty friendly. We got talking about the match, tactics, team selection and for a second there I was about to berate myself for assuming what I had when he came out with this:
‘Tell you what though, mate, there’s too many fuckin’ coons in the England team. I looked and there’s less fuckin’ black people in the South African team than there is playin' for England for Christ’s sakes.’
Just when I thought I’d met someone who broke the mold I was cruelly denied; it was like having a shot that seemed destined to go in saved off the line. By a Nazi. In an England shirt.
Finally I want to bemoan the negative media coverage of the England campaign. We draw our first match and what happens? The media goes into a doom and gloom frenzy, so much so that if you took their opinion seriously we might as well pack the team on the next flight home and forfeit the next two games. Why does the English media make our team out to be such losers? We didn’t lose. We drew against a USA team full of premier league footballers, it’s hardly the end of the world. And correct me if I’m wrong but didn’t both France and Portugal draw 0-0 in their opening games? Didn’t Brazil struggle to beat North Korea in theirs? Didn’t current European Champions, Spain just lose their opening match to Switzerland? And to be fair we would have won the opener if Robert Green hadn’t decided to cement his name in English World Cup history by smearing butter on his gloves before the match. Why can’t our media save their judgments until after the tournament, can’t they just get behind the team? I wonder if the Brazilian media does the same?
Before I go, allow me to reveal something to my fellow England supporters. We aren’t going to win the World Cup. Never in a month of Sundays. I accepted this some time ago and do you know what? I enjoy major tournaments so much more than if I go into them expecting us to win. When I watch a major tournament today when England manage to qualify, I go into it expecting to have my heart pulled into my mouth, my nerves shredded to pieces and my liver to be severely punished. What I don’t do is turn into a frothing nationalist ready to unleash my inner fascist and use the occasion to spout racist abuse. The whole thing should be fun, a celebration of one of the most popular sports in the world, be a way for different cultures to come together and get along. Enjoy it, every stomach churning moment of it.
We won’t win but I’m determined to have fun, right down to that heartbreaking moment when whoever it is misses that vital penalty and England go crashing out. Again.
